ardor

hahaha. i just realised smthing. when i was looking for a title for latin, i went to this latin dictionary site and typed in random words that i associated with our dance. and one was touch. hence ardor came up. then i have no idea why, suddenly it occured to me today that ardor meant smthing in english too. [-.- stupid i know] but anyway it means fiery intensity of feeling/passion/intense heat or glow, as of fire. which exactly describes our latin. hahaha (:

wails ): artem's out. he's so bloody delicious. no more pro ballroom dancers alr. blearghs. and i like melissa. i liked her right from e beginning. growls.



his body is like -swoons- hahaha. and has that sexy stare. grins. plus his solo dance was so smooth and phwoar.

my sleeping habits are atrocious. haha. its really getting quite bad :p but its so nice to laze around in bed. and avoid the sun most of e time. my maid says i'm like a vampire. smirks.

damnit. i miss dancing. i think i'm gonna go back for latin after cts.

[edit] i wonder why i still talk about _____ after so much time has passed. shrugs. maybe its my way of trying to cope with how i feel. to try and expel some of the hurt in me. to get rid of all those feelings. i rmb ming once told me not to keep things locked up inside, it ain't good. (though she doesn't follow what she preaches -.-) but yea. i used talking abt it as a form of therapy. but it didn't seem to help. cos partly i couldn't express the way i feel about _____ into words. i dunno how to explain how i feel, how to make them understand why i'm feeling this way. and all that talking just makes everything intensify. so maybe its time to shut up about it all. and keep everything inside. where maybe one day i can finally understand it all. where i don't have to defend myself. its easier. and harder at the same time. [/edit]

: cold water :: damien rice :
the song's so heartachingly beautiful.

dreaming.

'there's nothing about yourself that you could reveal that i wouldn't want to know' - burke, 'much too much' grey's anatomy (:

just reminded me of some things.. of how i appreciate some ppl who love me and i love that never tried to change me. haha.

grey anatomy's mania is taking over everywhere. 0_o

heading off to phuket on friday. escape! haha. and when i get back, e world cup will be starting soon :D

i long for the day to just let myself sink into oblivion.


a dream is a wish your heart makes
when you're fast asleep
in dreams you will lose your heartache
whatever you wish for you keep

: a dream is a wish your heart makes :: disney channel's circle of stars :
hahaha. go dwl and listen (: its really really nice.

mixture

just watched e episode of grey's anatomy i missed last monday. didn't realise how much i crave that show till i missed an episode. the week just felt incomplete. the addiction is akin to my buffy obsession. wow.

maybe i like it cos i can identify with stuff in it. esp meredith grey. hell yea. esp in 'thanks for the memories'. how apt. and the heartbreaking aching look on her face as she walked away. its harder to walk away then it is for someone to walk away from you.

musings: i realise dick cheney's daughter's name is mary. mary and dick. oh, the african heat. haha. weird comforting memories.

uni talk was well, rather alarming. to say e least. but it felt nice to just sit next to ming like we were in class again. haha. then jeans shopping :D splashed quite a bit of money, but i'm a happy girl. kasil gorgeous jeans, gaucho pants [to wear to phuket], gorgeous white heels. hee. mingkie got notify jeans that make her very long legs look a MILE long [jealous -.-] i love ming (:



ooh. tell me you have seen a prettier site than this. its absolutely gorgeous. hahaha.

: fools like me :: lisa loeb :

happy holidays

i'm all happier now that the holidays are hear, albeit most of it will be spent studying. but not having to go to school. keeping the people i see in the holidays to only the people i like spending time around. wonderful wonderful wonderful (:

uni talk then shopping with ming tmr. whoopee.

brooding's fun.

So here we stand
Anchored in hope
Letting the rain wash away every fear
Stars in the sky
Twinkle and shine
I pray they won’t disappear

‘Cause I don’t know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart

I wish that time
Could be replayed
I’d keep you here with me everyday
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way

‘cause I don’t know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I know you’re watching over every beat of my heart

i will always have this mental picture of your back, walking further and further away from me.

: every beat of my heart :: corrine may :

i'm so fed up with school. its just a disgusting place with horrid ppl now that dance is over. i really really hate everything now. except maybe like econs s. and fat bitch seems out to make my life hell. 1.6 ain't helping either. pointed stares and all. fuck them all.

what's e bloody point in trying sometimes i wonder. everytime i start to try, they hammer down on me. i'm just so sick and tired of it all. everyone only sees the bad side of things. never the good.

the light's getting fainter now. further away.

: the blower's daughter :: damien rice :

therapy

[edit] just saw krist's blog entry. she couldn't have said it better (: when i started that dance. i had so much turmoil within me, the happy memories, the sweet times, and the heartache. hence ardor. haha, few saw the connection. but it was a healing process. for me, and i hope for you too. i'm trying very hard to shut that door, but maybe its cos smthing's blocking me or that i can't bear to, i'm still trying to this day. i don't know how to express the feelings inside of me when someone recognizes the emotions and experiences i put into the dance, and supported me throughout. i'm so glad you did latin krist. you did not screw up your solo. you were fab, and i really appreciate the effort you and yong neng put in despite everything (: i love you mucho mucho mucho [even though you keep running from my kisses. haha] MUACKS [/edit]

today was rather therapeutic (: great ppl, good food, sarcasm. heaven. haha

wagyu beef. toasting our hands. palm-reading. comfy seats. soya sauce. cooking. lovely cakes. bitchy gay waiter. hella expensive custom made cake. meringues. canele. meidi-ya. japanese goodies heaven. grocery shopping. pretty sweets. japanese pickles. seaweed crackers.

no one can take my mind off things like you guys do (: missing mingkie poo.

gp was not bad.

post production dance night party was fun (: just felt really soothing to sit with all e dancers, wowing and whooping during 'so you think you can dance' haha. and then all e nonsense games. very very sweet gifts from e juniors. grins. miss hei bai pei. i love you my j1 dancers. esp goldfish and viola. my two absolute darlings. haha.

econs s test tmr. screwed to say e least -.- i don't want to get ungraded!

: some might say :: oasis :

ache

the irony of it all. hah.

i'm an emotional train-wreck -.-

i'm hoping for tmr to bring me out of this dark abyss i've sunk into.

hello there. the angel from my nightmare.

much love to debs (: congrats babe. very happy for you. hehee. [not like i ever doubted u could get into where u wanted to being a smartass genius and all :p] sorry abt being MIA. heh. yay, i will still be able to see u for a yr more. whoopee.

: meant something to me :: tyler hilton :

cold

i hate myself for being unable to control my emotions and feelings.

no more. no more.

the indifference and coldness even after i bared my soul. chilling. hurtful.

: collide :: howie day :

happy happy

haha, tonight was fun (: esp all e funny commenting with krist. nonsensical babbling with shisi. taxi ride there with terence. [that boy is so easily amused. he wouldn't stop laughing either at me or e things i said. i'm not THAT comedic -.- ] taxi ride back with kevin. and watching chiok dance. gorgeous lines she has. she isn't the tramp indiv champ for nothing :p hahaha.

island creamery :D i likeeee. hehe. everyone and anyone was there 0_o hehee, and my dear goldfish brought her cam, so we could take a picture and then put up on e island creamery walls (:


some ppl are so arrogant. seriously. being so mean and bitchy to ppl when your situation isn't that great. oh grow up alr -.-

sorry i couldn't resist (:

whoopee. da vinci code with mummy tmr, plus shopping. then post dance production party on monday. happiness is e word.

i was so happy tonight i was bouncing like a mad idiot. hehehee. just ask eve. we were so giggly we nearly tumbled down e steps together. grins.

[edit] was browsing through my old pictures. memories are a bitch. when they hold things that you once had but you don't have and never will have again. [/edit]

: put your records on :: corrine bailey rae :

yawns.

today was a really sleepy day. was rather grouchy too. due to my lack of slp. heh, was watching the champions league final :D yay to barcelona. whoopee.

econs S was fun fun fun (: hahaha, reeves + ming + econs. what more can i ask for. grins. and then ming and i went home together. haven't done so in such a long time. and it was just so nice talking to her. about stuff, and ranting. smiles.

kat mchpee's into the finals. (y)

after tmr, it'll be my first week of e 2nd term that i attended school every single day. yay to me. hehe.

two drifters

off to see the world

there's such alot of world to see

: moon river :: louis armstrong :

i want to go to france!

sad sad day

as the title says.

i still think e rj ruggers (esp e j2s) rocked (: hahaha, amy and i were having a rather fab time talking nonsense. yay for making new friends. ac boy and aaron! woohoo. ya cong and jing jing made everything more fun too. grins.

i really hope katherine mcphee wins american idol (: she's magical.

my parents' 20th wedding anniversary's coming soon. 1st june. i don't get along well with my dad, but i really marvel at how long couples can stay together. and so, i'm gonna plan something really beautiful for them, as my way of saying thank you. for everything. i love my mummy (: and i want her to be happy. after everything last year. it was a hard yr, and though i nvr say much. i appreciate alot of stuff.



some ppl really take great joy in trying to decipher who i rant abt. haha. good luck. warning label: don't read too much into e song lyrics sometimes.

listening to oldies (: nothing's better than something old.

but you seem to have forgetten that.


you don't know me - ray charles

You give your hand to me

And then you say, "Hello."
And I can hardly speak,
My heart is beating so.
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well.
Well, you don't know me.
(no you don't know me)

No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night;
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend.
That's all I've ever been.
Cause you don't know me.
(no you don't know me)

For I never knew the art of making love,
Though my heart aches with love for you.
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.
(love me too)

You give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me
(For I never knew the art of making love, )
(Though my heart aches with love for you. )
Afraid and shy, I let my chance go by.
A chance that you might love me too.
(love me too)

Oh, you give your hand to me,
And then you say, "Goodbye."
I watched you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy
Oh, you'll never ever know
The one who loved you so.
Well, you don't know me
(you don't love me, you don't know me)

: strangers in the night :: frank sinatra :

i really cannot understand how some ppl can be so bastardly. scum of the earth. hmmphs.

i love you krist babe (: and you rocked my world for latin. i'm so proud of you.

watching 2 dance nights this week. haha. expectations expectations. smirks.

school is monotonous shite. gah. i want 408 and ming and rach and stef and seto. pouts.

good luck ruggers and softballers for tmr (: go whoop some asses.

rainy days are happy days. lalalala

dreams.

i've come crashing back to reality. no more false hopes. no more wishful thinking. its hard. buti feel more relieved now i think. i can breathe more easily (: no more haunting dreams.

i don't want to think about anything else now. i just want to be a mugger ass. hahaha :p

and go chase my dreams.

close the book now.

i don't care what anyone says. rj's latin dancers are the best around (: the most darling ppl i know. and i won't swap you guys for any other dancers no matter how pro they are. you guys held on with me despite my tempers and tears. my scoldings and rants. i don't know how to say this, but its like within each dance, we shared something that other ppl wouldn't know. wouldn't be able to understand. as angie said 'what matters most is that you give ppl a chance'. i'm glad i did. thanks guys (: for everything.

i love love love you krist babee. (: i nearly started crying after reading ur entry. being the sentimental fool i am :p haha. my nearly twin. heh.

went out with my mummy today. it was nice (:

i don't want to move on. i seem incapable of moving on. i'm just languishing in the memories of dance night. i never want to let go. but i know i can't live in the past forever. gah.

i'm closing a huge chapter of my life.

and opening a new one without you. because you closed yours on me. its your choice. and i respect it. i think i finally can grasp that its all over.

to you and to those who wondered where the section of the latin ballroom synopsis came from:

its all coming back to me now - celine dion

There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed
If I just listened to it
Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned to dust
And I just knew my eyes were
Drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made

But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit
That it's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And I hold you like that
It's so hard to believe but
It's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than any laws allow
Baby Baby

If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that
It was so long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back, it's all coming back to me now)

There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light
There were things we'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure
It was more than all your laws allow
Baby, Baby, Baby

When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that
It was gone with the wind
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now

If you forgive me all this
If I forgive you all that
We forgive and forget
And it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
We see just what we want to see
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies
All coming back to me
I can barely recall but it's all coming back to me now

snapshots of amarante 06

snapshots

now that dance night is over, and i can finally eat again, i just can't seem to be able to bring myself to eat. it just feels like its all too much. shrugs. at least i need not worry abt growing fat now.

was in e studio today. stood in e middle of the room that holds so many wonderful memories for me. happy, sad, angry, tearful ones. and how i miss watching my latin dancers practising, all of us dancing together. it just felt empty and hollow.

listening to the cd leslie put in my destress kit (: just letting the words wash over me. remembering small delightful things i've forgotten. i love my destress kit! thanks partner. haha.

my pretty flowers (:

its the first time i've come home on a school day when its still bright out. haha. interesting. but i'd gladly give all the sunlight i have for dance night to come again (:

: i have nothing :: katherine mcphee :

happy days are gone now.

amarante was magical (: i can't explain all that i felt. but its smthing i'd never forget. the lights, the music, the dance, the people. the people were great (: dance exco. my latin darlings. my dear latin partner. and many many more that i can't possibly name. much love.

much love to all my dear friends who came to support and brought me gorgeous flowers. hehee. interdependent for e the huge bouquet. mel with her pretty roses. leslie for the gorgeous bouquet. kal for the hydrangeas (: hahaha. hamster for the weird flowers. heh.

everything passed so fast. like the blink of an eye. zaki, latin, laoshi, movie medley and combined hip hop. such wonderful memories (: it was beautiful. the watch everything come alive, from just ideas. to actually taking form. i'm just so proud of all the dancers. my juniors. the j2s (: we put in so much, sacrificed so much. but i think what we got back in return was worth a hell lot more.

my darling ics (co-ics) : jem tan, angie, amy, evelyn, joy, matt and cat. much love, much thanks. for everything.

ppl who made e dance night special (: angie, cat, evelyn, leslie, nigel, zul, yongneng, krist, bryan, nah, jiayi, yi jing, alicia, dennet, zhunian, cheryl, jem, matt, goldfish, viola, jing jing, nat, joy, xinyi, terence, darrell and many many more.

more pictures and reminiscing will come another day (: tired and sick. shall go to bed.

i love amarante

i love dancers

i love dance

i love you

waiting for smthing that didn't and prob will nvr happen.